posted
In Florida, a man murders his pregnant wife. In Nashville Tennessee, a man murders his wife and mother-in-law. Elsewhere in our communities murder suicide and domestic violence has become a commonplace.
Domestic violence is not a private matter--it is destroying our families and communities. We must break the silence about violence women face in their families and not keep it hidden. We must support womem experiencing violence, and not turn our backs on them. We must take the stand that domestic violence is not acceptable in our communities.
Let us ensure that the deaths of our women were not in vain. By joining together, we can support women's safety and create healthy communities for everyone. Let us stop the violence now, umu nwoke anyi. Biko nuo, let's stop the violence. It is destroying our lives.
___________________ Jesus is Lord Posts: 96 | From: Dallas, Texas | Registered: Aug 2002
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I love that name. Anyway, my sister every coin has two faces. What we need to find out is why this is happening in our communities and try to nip it. I can tell you about a man that had a heart attach after his wife went and picked up an expensive SUV that he objected to initially, just to keep up with the Jones or shall I say the Okekes. This is Dallas and you know what goes on in this town between the sexes here, but like I said, we need to nip this in the burt.
___________________ Feel me? Ofu onye ana asi unu abia go. - Ednut Igbo-American . www.airamericaradio.com visit her. Posts: 2447 | From: Mother Earth | Registered: Mar 2001
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My sister, I hear you loud and clear. But don't you think our women sometimes cross the line that drives our men nuts?
Posts: 479 | From: The Universe | Registered: Jul 2001
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What side of the coin do you really want to find out? Our lazy men who refused to work and have turned their women into slaves? The problem is when you old bastards go home and marry a girl half your age, turn her into a workaholic, while her mates are still having fun, is the root cause of all these troubled and failed marriages in our communities, today.
___________________ Nwa Amucha Posts: 369 | From: Little Rock, Arkansas | Registered: May 2001
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quote:Originally posted by Chinyere: ....Let us stop the violence now, umu nwoke anyi. Biko nuo, let's stop the violence. It is destroying our lives.
Sista Chinyere,
Nne thank you. Your message is a very good one. Sometimes we forget that most of the battles we fight are intertwined, and even as we raise a legitimate hue and cry over the injustices meted out to the Igbo as a Nation, we tend to forget that the morality which we demand from those who attempt to commit those injustices against us is the very same which in our deepest consciences we must be accountable to uphold before God and our fellow man/woman.
Please keep spreading the message. Your voice in a matter such as this is part of the struggle.
For how could we live with our shame, and to where would we escape, if after we have won our battle for self actualization, discover that we can't even accomodate one another.
___________________ YA CAIN'T KEEP A GOOD MAN DOWN :) Posts: 1182 | From: TEXAS | Registered: Oct 2001
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Welcome to BiafraNigeriaWorld. Fasten your seat belt for a bumpy ride.
All the people who have contributed so far have touched on some critical issues. See Amucha, Ojoto, Ukaobasi.
One thing I have learnt in the brief period of my sojourn in obodo oyibo is that the people believe in finding solutions to their problems.
From what our people have written a chunk of the wife-battering is occasioned by a lack of proper orientation on the societal pressures on couples. The Oyibo society is completely different from the one some of folks grew up in, and that they have failed the manage change effectively is at the heart of the problem. Let me explain:
1) The demand on employees in BiafraNigeria is NOT as much. There is a lotta slack back home. Oyibo land is different and the stress in trying to meet employers expectations does take its toll. And some are holding down two or even three "jobs".
2) Child-care in BiafraNigeria is EASY. The child is everybody's responsibility and I've seen BiafraNigerian parents begging people to vacate their homes as their free child-care services were no longer required. In oyibo land, you are on your own and I know friend who have to wake very early to do the school or nanny runs, go to work, and then pick the kids, go home and prepare for the next day! The stress in that kinda schedule does take its toll.
3)The environment is different. The incessant blitz from Hollywood does pressure couples into having an outlandish expectations from each other. Madam wants oga to look and "perform" like Denz Wash with no love handle. Similarly, oga wants madam to look and perform like Tina T. From the life style as enumerated in 1 & 2 above, it will be fool-hardy to expect ones spouse to be and "perform" like actors who only live to look after their bodies.
4) The kids are NOT "Igbo". Many parents struggle with this but as the kids grow older, they(parents) begin to wake up to the reality that these oyibo born umu-aka only look like them in colour. Aye, the kids here know their rights and will not allow mummy and daddy to infringe on same. It frustrates parents and since mothers are more malleable and understanding the Papa who was bullied by his father as a kid will see this "effrontery" as undermining his "authority". He will unleash his frustration on the poor mama either verbally or physically.
5) The Igbo social organisations are rubbish. You will agree with me that there is NO therapeutic value whatsover in some of those meetings. The educated thugs hijack these occasions to talk at umu-Igbo. So what should have been used for total unwinding and frank and heart-2-heart sharing and idea exchange is turned to a political event where some qausi-philantropist who loves the sound of his voice hones his public speaking skills on his hapless country men. In the Igbo of old when the blokes get together, you could always hear the men say "umu nwanyi ehhn" meaning they talk together and appreciate the differences in the sexes. And so every one went home feeling they are not unusual.
6) Communication ie talking things over: The Igbo fail in this area big time. From the inordinate amount of time our married guys in their thirties, forties and fifties spend in free yahoo fora, you could tell that little talk go on in their houses.
7) Times do change: We must face this reality. It is nuseating when you read an Igbo who hardly goes home writing about Igbo tradition. Our people must move on with the times. I read where two Igbo men were boasting at a yahoo forum that they will go home and kill the Christians in their villages and burn their churches. Their reason being that christians are a brain washed people and Christianity destroyed the shrine of their anscestors. Cow dung! I suspect that some of these guys are hiding under this lousy excuses because the belief pattern they oppose exposes to the point of ridicule some of the out-moded concepts they are clutching to.
Will be back......
___________________ Awo's political idea was based on the assumption that any town beyond Owo was Igbo or Hausa. Awo was not socialised; he was not a good mixer because he did not have the opportunity, which the secondary school offered. ~TOS Benson, Baba Oba of Lagos Posts: 2644 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
Brother Amucha I couldn't agree with you more, No matter which side of the coin Ednut efulefu is looking, those killed women are somebody's sisters, somebody's daughter. How would Ednut feel if those women were his sister or daughter, would Ednut be asking for the other side of the coin.? I don't think so. Eburu ozu onye ozo odika ebu ikpo nkwu.
posted
Ohafia nwannem nwoke, nna gi muru gi, na your papa born you, so to speak. You speaketh the truth and may God always be with you. Our men shamelessly have turned into something else. The ones among them who knew exactly what I was talking about totally ignored the thread.
posted
Atiku seeks political education for women.[THISDAY}. Whatever that means not a bad move coming from a northerner where women are reduced and def jammed to the songs and lyrics of American gangster rap. Who said change is not a sign of the times?
Hail Biafra
[ October 08, 2002, 02:38 PM: Message edited by: Waypoint1Biafra ]
Posts: 1672 | From: Minnesota USA | Registered: Mar 2001
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Ah, dis one pass man oh! The wahala now be say, dat ogogoro man wey take twenty years senior im wife no even think say na im daughter im dey marry. Wetin im expect when im no fit go get job. Na small, small, una wey be ajaokuta, dey jeun stone no dey drink water go soon begin smoke all una wife for Yankee. Make una take am easy oh!
___________________ NA MY PAPA BORN ME Posts: 389 | From: Eugene, Oregon | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
I think this wives are behave too badly when they leaving village to come to America and Europe to be change and wanted to become oyibo overnight. They don do cooking and washing the plates anymore before they do fiam and annoy their husbands. I don like what they be do to them but they must change and know family values.
___________________ Agha bu njo Posts: 58 | From: Moscow | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
The Problem is the mother in-laws that visit this country and overstay their welcome. Guys need to stop letting these women stay longer than a few weeks if at all. I feel for the guy.
___________________ Feel me? Ofu onye ana asi unu abia go. - Ednut Igbo-American . www.airamericaradio.com visit her. Posts: 2447 | From: Mother Earth | Registered: Mar 2001
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posted
As you Biafrans would say, let us post the story of this Igbo man here "before it disappears."
quote:(Igbo) Man In Custody Following Attack On Wife,
Intense Manhunt
Suspect Accused Of Brutally Stabbing Wife With Butcher Knife
POSTED: 12:08 a.m. EDT October 6, 2003 UPDATED: 6:47 a.m. EDT October 6, 2003
RALEIGH, N.C. -- A man accused of brutally stabbing his wife is in police custody after Raleigh police officers, Wake County sheriff's deputies and Highway Patrol troopers teamed up to track him down in a wooded area behind his residence Sunday.
Victor Chukunka Achonu, 53, of 3037 Bracey Place, was apprehended about 6:30 p.m. following a brief but intense manhunt. The search for Achonu began after emergency medical personnel responding to a 911 call from his home found Achonu's wife seriously injured.
Victor Chukunka Achonu, 53, of 3037 Bracey Place, was apprehended about 6:30 p.m. following a brief but intense manhunt. The search for Achonu began after emergency medical personnel responding to a 911 call from his home found Achonu's wife seriously injured.
Achonu has been charged with assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill and inflicting serious injuries.
Achonu's wife, 33-year-old Ebele Hope Achonu, was in critical condition Sunday night with a compressed rear skull fracture, partially amputated right and left hand, and laceration to her left shoulder. She was transferred from WakeMed to Duke Medical Center.
According to police, Victor Achonu's three young children were home when he stabbed his wife with a butcher knife. He surrendered to Raleigh police with his hands raised and his shirt soaked in blood.
Officers who took the man into custody said he had a cut on his neck they believed was self-inflicted.
Police said Achonu's mother-in-law was at the house when the attack began and ran to a neighbor's house to call 911. She told police the knife used in the attack was about 12 to 18 inches long, describing the knife as the type used to cut meat and sever bones.
Investigators had not found the knife Sunday night.
Victor Achonu reportedly jumped a fence behind the house and disappeared into the woods after the attack. In the new subdivision in southeast Raleigh filled with young families, residents waited anxiously for police to capture one of their own neighbors.
Ebele Achonu was in surgery Sunday night and was not able to talk to police.
Just making we don't lose important reports.
Posts: 91 | From: London | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
The problem with marrying Igbo women these days is when you marry them, you marry the whole family, including her maternal and fabricated relatives. I've been there and I do know how it feels. Never again in my life! I'm through with them.
___________________ Let My People Go Posts: 15 | From: Nasau, Bahamas | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Gotta be kidding me-------> Marriage with an Igbo woman equals marriage to the entire clan. What a joke? For a start, an extended marriage with inclusion is all African over Western culture and not an Igbo affair. Besides, marital problem is a common norm. The infractions with money, mother in law from hell, who is bent on what is for the best interest of her daughter and sex outside marriage is a common trait with marital problem. It is universal. This is not an Igbo woman's problem. Hope you copy?
Hail Biafra
[ October 08, 2003, 05:19 PM: Message edited by: Waypoint1Biafra ]
Posts: 1672 | From: Minnesota USA | Registered: Mar 2001
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One bad experience doesn't equal condeming the whole Igbo women, There are problems in a every marriage, is not partularized to Igbo women. When you say Igbo women stinks, that include your mother and sisters, nieces and aunts. I don't think you will take it kindly if somebody insult any of them like you just did. Unless you are not Igbo I will imagine that your daughter is Igbo too. So lets judge individual not a whole race. Trust me my brother the grass is not always green on the other side.
Yes Extended Family is an African thing, would you feel better if you are taking care of the extended families on your side alone and not your in-laws. Mind you that the same way your parents raised you, Your wife or ex wife was also raised by somebody else, so she can not cut them off because she is married to you. I think part of our problem is that we are having a culture clash living in Western world. On one hand we want our wives to be both house wives and professionals at the same time. We also want to pick and choose our African culture when it suits us, in the process creat problems.
I can tell you that in my parents days, up till today my mother never talked back to my father. In those days when a man is beating his wife, people will say'. he is recounting his dowry, those days are history, women are now educated. Add American feminist power to all that you have a problem, which you can not solve the African way.
posted
Brother W=Enwereji You have some valid points about distroying our heritage by some of our woman, however we should not throw in the towel or brand all of them the same.
Na wao for these guys. If the PhD guy be for real, him nogo dey respond back to some of these guys, give some respect to ya self, you know. But the ol' bobo want talk too and that wan de make am look like a small boy too.
___________________ Feel me? Ofu onye ana asi unu abia go. - Ednut Igbo-American . www.airamericaradio.com visit her. Posts: 2447 | From: Mother Earth | Registered: Mar 2001
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posted
As some of you have already pointed out, domestic violence is not an Igbo invention. In America and Europe, you hear of it every day.
I read not very long ago of a man, not even black that killed his wife, children and commited suicide or another in America, not black, talkless of being Igbo who tied a rope on the neck of his wife like a dog. Other nations in Nigeria do not treat there women better than the Igbo do. I think that Igbo women are among the most emancipated in Africa, some people do not even eat together with their wives.
But in the changing world of ours, we have to learn to adapt to the changes.
My suggestions are as follow: 1) The paying of dowry should be abolished, at least those who support the idea could give examples by not accepting money for their daughters. This is because I believe in freedom, and not to tie somebody down for dowry. The person could divorce easily or two simply walk away if the union is no longer working well. One of the main reasons for our presence on earth is to live, if we miss it, then everything becomes useless.
2) We better learn to communicate better in our familes, the need for communication in solving Igbo problems is the same as in our daily or family lives. There is no way somebody would understand what you want or your views without your expressing those ideas to those living with you. Most of the marital problems are caused by lack of communication, the Igbo are no exception.
3) As already mentionned above, we should change some of our African/Igbo traditions where getting married to one person would mean taking care of the person's families plus your own family plus that of your father and mother. If you do not know how to say "NO", then that would be a good occasion to learn it.
For example, if you marry an Igbo or an African and you are leaving in US or Europe, then two of you should try to get jobs. Each person would participate for the upkeeping of your household in addition to your future projects using a common account.
And you could use the rest of your money for helping your respective families. It is much easier. Do not keep your wife at home, unless she chose not to work or for any other reasons. But if she keeps children at home, you will find it difficult, depending on your income to live a decent life and at the same time help your respective families. In this last situation, it is normal that if you do something for your parents, you would do the same for hers.
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