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Charly Boy never proposed marriage. He just said; well, since you’re asking me to marry you, let’s go to the registry
By Nike Bakare [nikebakareever@yahoo.com]
Tuesday, June 8, 2004

Lady Di, the American wife of Charly Boy, president of the Performing Musicians Association of Nigeria (PMAN) says the very first day she went out with her man in America, he told her a big lie.

She equally says Charly Boy did not propose marriage, at least, not in the conventional manner.
Below, is her story:

Background
I was born in South Carolina, U.S.A. I was a fat, chubby baby, anybody could carry me, I was just like that. And my mother went to New York when I was two years old, and the whole family eventually moved to New York, where I now did my kindergarten public school and then my high school. My teacher felt that I was good at sewing, so she recommended me to go to a high school fashion industry in Manhattan.
So, I had to go from Brooklyn to Manhattan every day, which was okay, I was up to the task. I studied men’s tailoring because I just thought it was something different, and I was kind of a rebel then, I just wanted to do something different. I just said let me study men’s tailoring instead of fashion designing at that point. I like that school, because it was an eye opener for people who wanted to venture into different areas of fashion.

You were able to do photography, they took you through like a six weeks seminar of different things, so you got the chance to choose what you want to do. At that time, jewellery making, photography, fashion designing, furniture making, learning how to make fur coats, were available, but I decided to do men’s tailoring. And I was the only female in the class, and believe it or not that is actually where I got the name, Lady Di, because the boys in the class used to call me Lady Di. That is how the name just stuck to me during the years.

The name of the fashion school is called High School of Fashion Industry, actually there was another college for fashion right at the corner, but I decided I wanted to go away and live on my own, so I now went to Boston, decided I was going to enroll in Chamberlain Junior College which I did, and I studied fashion designing from there. And during my studying fashion designing I was also working part time, you know a girl got to do what a girl got to do, you got to have some clothes and I didn’t want to be dependent on my parents.

I really basically took care of myself. I decided I was going to work in a hair salon because I was really good at braiding hair. It was good money too because I had a lot of private customers too.
During this time I now met my husband, he actually came into the salon to do his hair, at that time, I think the guys were wearing relaxed hair. The hair salon was called Dannies His&Hers, it was one of the most popular salons in one of the post district in Boston. When he came to do his hair, we were like whao, this guy driving up in limousine, he was with his cousin, she was gorgeous. I didn’t think anything of it, I wasn’t doing his hair, I was braiding my client’s hair, and back then, I had this great figure, which is gone now (she laughs) and eventually he left. Later he called the salon and he spoke with my boss, my boss then called me to the phone, and said you know the guy that was here, he is calling to speak with you.
And I said what guy? He said the guy that came in the limousine. So, I spoke with him and he invited me to come to a function at his house, he said he was having a big party, all Nigerians will be coming, this and that, so, I said okay, but I don’t have a car and where you are living is in the suburbs, because he was living in a posh area I was living in the ghetto.

And I remember I had just moved in to a good side of town, I was living in place called Newberry area, or let’s just say gay area, and you know the students and gay people, it was like everybody just do what they want.

But the apartment was nice and I had a room mate, she was from Bermuda, and I still keep in contact with her till today, very beautiful lady. Anyway, he came to pick me at my house, we went to his place where the party was supposed to take place. When we got there, there was no party, so, I was like why would you do something like that? Why would you lie? But we went to dinner eventually, I though that was a unique way of asking for a date anyway.

Before then, I had asked someone that I was braiding hair for at my apartment, I asked the person about Nigerians because I had a date with a Nigerian guy, what are they like? What is it gonna be like? This guy came in limousine, well dressed, was wearing his gold watch and looking posh. And she now asked me what was the guy’s name and I told her, she said ‘oh, that is my cousin’ and I thought she was lying. And she said, truly he is my cousin, and she now told me where he is from, that his father is a Supreme Court judge. And I became a little bit scared, because I was like this guy may be, you know, one big posh, rich guy, and how was I going to handle it, this young girl from New York.

We went out, we started dating and it was easy. It was an easy relationship because I guess maybe because I made it like that. He came with a lot of baggage as well, of course you know a guy with that kind of background would have a lot of females that also will be after him, and I was neither here nor there, I was an American that maybe he was just playing with and having fun. But we began to enjoy each other’s company, he was always around so, what was I complaining about, he was not my husband? So we just kept it like that till eventually, his parents came to Boston, where he had eventually wanted to give them a party. And he invited, the Chief Justice of Boston, and he invited other dignitaries to the function. And it was very grand, it was at the high regency, he used to model with this modeling agency, Barbara Zone Modeling Agency and he invited all the top management. He was this outgoing person that the older people listen to, even at that level of being in a university. He didn’t have to do much to get a degree because he was very friendly with his professors in school, people were just willing to do things for him.

The party and function went well for his parents, after his parents met me they said they liked me, they said I reminded them of their nieces and nephews in Nigeria, and they said they would like me to come to Nigeria, to visit, and would I like to come? And I went like whao, so I prepared my passports.
We were going to travel from New York because my father-in-law was writing some books and he had a publisher in New Jersey, so we all went together and stayed in an hotel. New York was new to them, they didn’t know the area either, and they couldn’t eat the food in the hotel, so they asked if I could cook for them. Can I cook for you? I can’t really cook you know, and it was like a big disappointment for them. So we got some spaghetti from a can or something, we ate and we went to my parents’ place straight on from there, and my mum prepared a nice dinner, and they ate.

They went back to Nigeria and me and Charles went back to Boston, because it wasn’t time for the travel yet, we still had some things to do. Eventually my husband now invited me to Nigeria, I came, which was a great experience because I had really never left the country. We came to Nigeria together, and when we got to Nigeria we went straight to Owerri, that’s where we stayed for the first one or two years actually. My father-in-law was at the Supreme Court, so we were living in a chalet, it was different experience for me.

We were doing our music there then, Charles used to wear red hair, and all that stuff. It was fun because I didn’t have to work 9 to 5 it was just like an adventure, exploring.
So, eventually it became a little bit more serious, because at that time I had stayed sometime. Initially, I was supposed to stay for few weeks, I ended up staying for a year. Basically, because my husband lost his sister, and I felt I should stay and be a part of what was going on, and help my mother-in-law, because she was really devastated, and my father-in-law. It was a serious loss.

I’d never truly seen death so close, the way they mourned, it was serious, so I thought I should just be around. And my parents were really frustrated back home, they were looking for me, they couldn’t find me, they didn’t know how to get in touch with me, I wasn’t really calling home. And eventually I decided to go back home and organise myself, and if this man really wants me to stay in Nigeria he would make a move. I knew then he was comfortable, he had just come out of a marriage, he had children already. But I had never been married, I had no children, I want to see his commitment, if am going to be living in this country. Because I couldn’t leave everything I had and just come here for nothing. So, eventually I made that point to him and he said okay "well since you are asking me to marry you, let’s go." And that’s how we went to the Registry and got married.

Actually, I had already had my first son, so I had big claim. It’s like okay, I made the move, people were saying back then, could this young skinny girl have children? You know people were saying things like when Americans go, they take their children away, this, that, I was in major stories.
But I knew myself, and I knew that I really loved this man and if he wanted to marry me, now is the time, because I wasn’t going to go any further. I wasn’t going to live here and not be married. And like I told you earlier, we got married in Owerri at the Registry. We didn’t have a white wedding, my husband is always saying that we will do white wedding. But it will be fun just to go to church and do it properly and stuff like that, we are still thinking about that anyway.

We had moved to Oguta, had our small recording studio, that was the days of Majek Fashek coming to Oguta singing with his beautiful voice, Jake Solo, may he rest in peace, so many other artists. And you know it used to be fun. Can you believe it that I used to sell chickens, I used to buy baby chicks, and raise the baby chicks. We had a studio and a restaurant downstairs, and I was living in the village there wasn’t really much to do. I used to do jewellery, I had two flats, one was for my tie and dye and jewellery making, and downstairs was my small restaurant and studio people come in and drink, I used to sell beer and stuff like that.

It’s a long way, a long way till today, the stories are many actually I am thinking of writing a book. My own life in Nigeria.
I had my son almost two years after I came into the country, and for a while it was just two of us (Charles and I) for a while before my son came. It’s fun like that, it’s good like that, because you get a chance to enjoy each other’s company before it really gets. But here, they pressurise you, especially in the village, although I don’t think that my mother-in-law would say she thought I would be the ideal wife because she was afraid of so many things, you know older people tend to give advice that younger people at times won’t take. We don’t understand, we can’t see that far ahead. But they’ve experienced it, they’ve been there, but now, we are like girlfriends, I go to the market buy fabrics for her to sew, we are close. As a matter of fact she is like my mother here.

The attraction
The attraction was unique when I met Charles. Like I said I had never gone out with a Nigerian or any other foreigner. It was a challenge, an adventure, I think he would say the same thing, he never expected to marry an American. His family had always wanted him to marry a Nigerian, they wanted him to marry within the village.

They don’t want to go outside of that, but being that Charles is also a rebel, he doesn’t like to be dictated to, maybe he took that as a challenge as well, he had married a Nigerian, which didn’t work, so it’s not like he didn’t try. No doing of my own, I wasn’t around then.

On other women
My husband and I basically talk, we basically discuss, we know that women chase him, he would even come and tell me, like he told me the other day and we laughed about it.
But how do I handle that? I guess it’s a matter of trust, and a matter of understanding where you are, you are in a society where two wives is not a problem. But it’s up to you, to know what you want in a relationship and then again it’s up to the man to really understand or recognise the things that are happening, whether or not that’s what he wants. Do you want that interference? Because when other women come in, even as a girlfriend you will begin to have problem.

On rumours
Yeah, I read about them, but I also know some of the gimmicks that were going on, remember I am the inside person, I used to go to Tyna’s house (Tyna Onwudiuwe) in those days, she was most concerned about my own career at that time. She used to tell Charles, that he is trying to oppress me, that why is he not letting me do my own music. And Charles would laugh. I was inside, I knew the things that were actually happening, I knew that the press were being carried along in one merry-go-round.
So, that was how it was with Tyna in those days. She was very close to my mother-in-law, the family, the kids, a lot of times what you see is not what it is, that’s why a lot of times when I read things in the paper, portion of it may be true, but a big percentage of it, isn’t. Especially when you know a person, like a lot of times my friend used to argue, my friend says ‘I always defend you at work, argue with co-workers that your husband is this, that you are that, but we know now, we are at your house we know now’.

By nature I am a sit-back-and-watch person. I don’t make assumptions without having reason to make them. As long there is no change in my household, my family is intact, my husband is treating me the same way he has been treating, anybody can come from outside.

People come here, and most of the time I don’t even take notice of what they’ve come to the house to do. I am doing my own thing, I have things I want to do in life, and am not gonna sit around and worry about who comes here to work. And if you work here, or coming to work here, it’s me that has the last say anyway. Anybody I want to fire, I fire. My husband would say ‘you have to go, my wife doesn’t want you here’ so if you are smart, you want a job here, na me o!, If you want to be friendly with my husband, na me o! Because if I don’t like your movement, I will tell you to go, because I am not stupid. I will tell you to go, that person should not come into my office again, and I have the right. It’s my house.
My husband likes fine things around him, anyway, and he doesn’t go for looks, he is interested in your intelligence. My husband always says that he has friends that are useful, he has people around him, and the people that are close to him are educated people, people that can contribute to what he is doing. He is not looking for anybody to take around for fashion because he could just find anybody to take around.
I can’t be going everywhere with him because I have my own career, and by God’s grace I will be in Ghana, London performing my music. We have to have some mutual trust, we’ve been having it for twenty-something years now, and there is nothing we haven’t seen. So, what is it? Although we have been married for that long, but it doesn’t feel like it.

What keeps me in the marriage?
The bottomline is I love my husband, and he treats me well. And he is a good father, and a role model too and I respect him. And we are the best of friends, that’s just it.
I am comfortable, I am happy my husband’s people accept me, so where am I going? Especially when all of those things are working for you, which is the problem a lot of foreigners have when they come, they are not accepted. But it is the man that will make you to be accepted by his family, it’s the two of you that matter in a relationship, you can’t bring family or friends into it. They are not there when you are together. And I think all those things contributed to me being stable and happy here.

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