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It is the year 2000 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says, "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore I am commanding you to build an ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah" He shouted, "where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neigbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls"
"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. The objected to me only taking two aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take it very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe."
"Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelievable people aboard!"
"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft."
"Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore, unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord. "I don't have to. Your government already has."
___________________ THE MORE YOU LOOK THE LESS YOU SEE Posts: 539 | From: Sin City, Sin World | Registered: Mar 2001
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posted
Oh Lord, here comes the foul-mouth jerk using God's name in his nasty comic. So you have nothing else to say other than use God's name, right? You cock-sucker.
___________________ Yvette Richardson Posts: 106 | From: St. Paul, MN., USA | Registered: Jun 2001
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Why can´t you leave me alone? There are too many fishes in the sea for me to be worrying about an easy, lazy ass of your type. If you are depressed, join the dating club or go out there in the sun and do something. Play some games and be happy.
I hope you quit bogging me because I do not want you.
___________________ THE MORE YOU LOOK THE LESS YOU SEE Posts: 539 | From: Sin City, Sin World | Registered: Mar 2001
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